When Amanda picked up the microphone at Brick & Co Studio, she and Leeson weren’t just entertaining their 100 guests, they were sharing something deeply personal. As the opening notes of “Endless Love” filled the space, their performance represented a growing trend: couples rejecting passive roles at their own weddings in favour of authentic participation.
“We love the lyrics, which perfectly capture how we feel about each other,” Amanda shares. “Singing it together during our wedding made it a moment we’ll always treasure.”
From singing your favourite songs to choosing the food you love, from designing little details to writing your own vows, today’s couples want a say in their celebrations. These hands-on moments often become the most meaningful parts of the day, turning a wedding from something you simply go through into an experience you truly enjoy together.
Here are seven ways couples are actively participating in their own celebrations.
- 1. Perform Music Together
- 2. Curate Your Menu Personally
- 3. Emcee Your Own Wedding
- 4. Create Visual Content Together
- 5. Direct Your Photography
- 6. Write & Deliver Personal Vows
- 7. Surprise Your Partner
- Making Participation Work: Your Decision Framework
- Comparison: Passive vs. Participatory Weddings
- Frequently Asked Questions
1. Perform Music Together
As a vocal coach, music is part of Amanda’s everyday life. When she performed at their wedding, the goal was simply to show who they really are and share a genuine piece of themselves with their guests.
What it requires:
- Professional audio support (SGD $500-1,500 rental, SGD $300-800 sound engineer)
- Song with personal meaning that’s emotionally manageable
- Rehearsal with actual equipment
- A coordinator who can cue you comfortably or pivot if needed
When it works: Music already plays a role in your relationship, you’re comfortable sharing something vulnerable, the moment feels like an offering rather than a performance, and you have proper technical support.
Alternatives: First dance to your own song, playing instruments during cocktail hour, or curating a playlist with personal notes shared in the programme.
2. Curate Your Menu Personally
Food is memory. For couples who love it, the menu becomes another way to tell their story.
Beyond choosing specific ingredients, food-passionate couples collaborate with caterers to develop signature dishes or incorporate family recipes that tell their relationship story.
Amanda and Leeson worked with Manna Pot Catering professionally, but added a personal touch: Leeson’s aunt made their wedding cake, bringing family directly into the celebration through food.
When it works: Genuine culinary expertise, a caterer open to collaboration, 6+ months for development, and the process brings joy rather than stress.
Budget reality: Custom menu development typically increases costs. Family-prepared elements can reduce costs while adding meaning.
3. Emcee Your Own Wedding
Some couples choose to skip professional emcees and host their own celebrations instead, introducing family members with personal stories and sharing moments that only they would know.
The balance: Being the emcee means less time present as the guest of honour at your own wedding. Successful couples script transitions, tag-team speaking roles, and keep commentary concise.
When it works: Naturally comfortable with public speaking, smaller celebrations (50-100 guests) where intimacy matters more than production, and couples wanting control over narrative.
Hybrid approach: Host certain segments (welcome, family introductions) while a professional emcee handles logistics and pacing.
4. Create Visual Content Together
From stationery and signage to small details like welcome gifts, hands-on couples often want to shape how their day looks and feels.
The reality check: Most couples discover wedding stress makes DIY harder than anticipated. Successful approaches complete projects 2-3 months in advance, and they focus on 1-2 meaningful elements rather than everything, and honestly assess time investment (hand-lettering 100 place cards can take longer than imagined).
When it works: Genuine design skills, plenty of advanced time (6+ months), and you enjoy the creation process, not just pursuing savings.
5. Direct Your Photography
Photography-savvy couples often share their ideas with their photographer while still trusting their professional eye.
You might highlight important family group photos that your photographer wouldn’t know about, point out meaningful spots around your venue, or explain the overall look and mood you like. This helps your photographer focus on what matters most to you, without needing you to manage every shot on the day.
The crucial balance: Direction vs. micromanagement. Provide context during planning; trust professional judgment on the day.
6. Write & Deliver Personal Vows
Even couples who don’t perform can participate vocally through personal storytelling.
Amanda and Leeson shared a private vow moment before their ceremony: “And I will choose you today, tomorrow, and every single day to be my partner, my love, and my home.”
When it works: Comfortable with vulnerability, delivery is concise (3-5 minutes maximum), and you are able to balance personal intimacy with content that engages guests.
Most accessible option: Personal vows cost nothing but time and emotional investment.
7. Surprise Your Partner
Some memorable moments come from couples surprising each other through secret performances, meaningful gifts, coordinated dances, or honeymoon destination reveals.
The coordination challenge: Requires trusted conspirators (coordinator, photographer, wedding party) who can help while keeping secrets.
When it works: Your partner genuinely enjoys surprises, it enhances rather than disrupts the celebration, and it’s emotionally appropriate for the moment.
Making Participation Work: Your Decision Framework
Before diving into any participation option, ask three essential questions:
Does this reflect who we genuinely are?
Don’t force participation because it’s trendy. Amanda and Leeson performed because music is woven through their relationship. Chef couples curate menus because food is their language. Only participate in ways that feel authentic.
Can we enjoy this without added stress?
Participation should enhance your experience, not create anxiety. If performing makes you stressed for weeks, skip it. If designing invitations brings genuine joy, dive in.
As Amanda advises: “Enjoy yourself when you plan for your wedding, don’t lose sight of each other and the relationship while planning.”
Will this work with our vendors and venue?
Some vendors welcome collaboration; others prefer full creative control. Clear communication upfront prevents disappointment.
Comparison: Passive vs. Participatory Weddings
| Traditional Role | Participatory Approach |
|---|---|
| Hire band/DJ for the entire duration | Perform together, curate setlist with commentary |
| Choose from standard menu provided | Develop custom dishes, incorporate family recipes |
| Professional emcee manages the full programme | Couple hosts sections, shares personal stories |
| Hire designer for everything | Design key elements, handmake meaningful touches |
| Leave it to photographer completely | Provide creative direction, share priorities |
| Standard vows | Personal vows, relationship storytelling |
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: We’re not professional singers. Should we still perform?
Amanda is a vocal coach, but that’s not required. What matters: music is genuinely part of your relationship, you’re comfortable with vulnerability, and you have proper audio support. Authenticity matters more than perfection. But if the idea creates weeks of anxiety, that’s your answer to skip it.
Q: How much DIY is too much?
When it stops being enjoyable or compromises your wedding week sanity. Successful DIY couples complete projects 2-3 months in advance and focus on 1-2 elements. If you’re hand-lettering place cards at midnight before your wedding, you’ve gone too far.
Q: Can we emcee without seeming self-absorbed?
Yes, when you focus on connecting guests to the celebration rather than performing for them. Think of a gracious host introducing family with warm stories, not a spotlight-seeking entertainer. Works best for smaller celebrations where intimacy matters more than production.
Q: We’re introverts. Are there low-key options?
Absolutely. Written personal vows exchanged privately, handwritten letters to guests at place settings, curated playlist with notes explaining song choices, and designing an invitation suite at home. Participation doesn’t require performance; it’s about authentic expression in whatever form feels natural.
Q: What if we change our minds on the day of?
This is why you need a coordinator. Amanda could have decided that performing felt overwhelming, and her wedding coordinators from Manna Weddings would have smoothly adjusted. Always have backup plans, especially for performance elements.
Q: Is participating in multiple ways too much?
Depends on what “participating” means. Amanda and Leeson performed music, had a family-made cake, and wrote personal vows. But these weren’t all time-intensive. Choose 1-2 major areas (performance, extensive design, emceeing) plus smaller touches. More than two major roles usually create overwhelm.
When modern couples choose not to stay in passive, traditional roles, it reflects a bigger shift in how people see weddings. Couples want to express themselves honestly instead of just following old formulas. They want to have a say in their important celebrations, and they see their wedding as an experience to enjoy, not just an event to run or host.
Amanda and Leeson’s performance, Leeson’s aunt’s cake, and their private vows each made their celebration uniquely theirs. The most successful participatory weddings share this thread: couples aren’t performing for guests, they’re inviting guests into genuine expressions of who they are.
Whether you sing, cook, design, speak, or surprise, participation works when it comes from an authentic desire to be present in your own celebration, not from an obligation to impress.
Your wedding is one of the few days when you’re both hosts and guests of honour. How you balance those roles, whether passive or participatory, is entirely your choice. Choose what feels authentic, prepare thoroughly, and trust that genuine expression will always matter more than perfect execution.
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